Today was upsetting for the first part of the day. I've honestly never felt so worthless and not worth much and the session at I did at Catholic Archdiocesan Youth Centre (CAYC) for the youths from Our Lady Star of the Sea (OLSS) was really really bad and extremely disappointing. Everyone was really good today and I was really happy for everyone but I felt really dissapointed that I couldn't give a good Session, even if it was my first time ever. I held in all the sadness and frustration right till the point Aloy asked me to cheer up and all I could do was just burst into tears. I didn't feel like I was wanted/ needed/ appreciated by my community, In One Spirit, at all. And it was probably worse that the only people that noticed were my Formators Aloy and Gwen. I just felt quite out of place and I've been feeling that for a very long time. And its not helping at all that it seems that I'm being replaced by people in community who once were really important to me. Its like I hardly know anyone at all...
So all I did was to probably walk home afterwards and cry under my blankets because I was so upset. I didn't eat lunch or breakfast. I just wanted sleep. I just wanted to lie down and forget about the world for a while. Sofia texted me afterwards and I couldn't help but just cry. And seeing all the tweets on how everyone was so proud to be in IOS just made me feel worse. So I did what I always did, take a nap because when you're asleep, you can forget about life for a while.
But when you wake up, everything just rushes back...
Then it was dinner which is and always will be the highlight of my life :) I had dinner with my extended family from both my mom's and my dad's :) I'm so glad I got to see them before we all slog away with our end of year exams. It was really nice catching up with everyone before we don't see each other for the next few months or so :(
My mom bought Chili and Black Pepper Crabs, Fried Praws, Vegetables and Scallops, Mantou and Pork ribs! We opened two bottles of wine and just sat around and talked and ate. Along with celebrating my Dad's and my Uncle's and not forgetting Singapore's birthday ;)
My Aunts' and cousin who haven't seen me in a while kept commenting I looked like I lost a lot of weight. My mom said its due to the stress in school and they looked really worried...
It was nice being around family. It was really comforting and warm being with people who love you for who you are and acknowledge when you've tried your hardest. It was just really nice being around people who care and love you very much. Its even more heartwarming to know that with them, you'll never be replaced.
 |
| Photo my Uncle snapped of me :) |
 |
| The people I spent my childhood and growing up with and are my most favourite people in the whole wide world |
Oh Elaine dear. I'm sorry you had a sucky day.
ReplyDeleteI'll call you?
Cheer up. You're never replaceable to me okay?
And hey, you look gorgeous :')
Glad you had fun with your family dear! ^^