Just some art photos of an upcoming art project! :) "The Blue Blanket", where I'm hand-sewing 24 squares of Painted/Treated Origami Paper together with thread!
I'm really excited to complete this piece soon! Its been really long since I've been able to get my creative juices flowing so much!
Not many updates or this week in general, quite tempted to do the 30 day post challenge to keep me writing in this space, but school work is piling up and I don't think I'll be free to do any new updates :/
I'm going out for dinner with Emma again though! and maybe Chunkfest with Ching Yi next Saturday :) then Tones is coming up and Sammie is performing! :D Also Gwen, Emma and I might be going for our Teppanyaki at 313 and a movie! I really cannot wait till Hell Week (Week 9) is over! And I will be free from assignments and can concentrate on studying for EOYs :)
This week has been good so far, much better than the last and the one before. Although I did have lots of fun and comfort last week, it was coupled with lots of disappointments and tears. I don't think I've ever gotten to the point where I've sat alone in my room crying for a good solid 2 hours because of how i've felt. But that was me last week. A crying and hopeless wreck who really didn't know what she was doing in life.
I would like to say that this week has been enlightening. Not a grand, cosmic, the-red-sea-has-parted or the-sky-has-fallen sort of in-your-face enlightening, but the little moments in life that you realise all things are connected and they eventually do make sense in the end. Like today for example, we had a Character and Education class with our mentors Ms Mels and Mr Yeo (the best class mentors on the face of the planet) and we went through the slides on "Dealing with Loss". Incredibly corny, but incredibly apt as well. It covered a whole series of how people shift from experiencing loss to eventual denial, anger, bargaining and depression before claiming acceptance and eventually coping and moving on. It also covered how people deal with loss, which covers from actual physical activities like running and sleeping to physiological things like reading a book and thinking things through. What I got most out of that session today was probably knowing that I wasn't really dealing with my areas of loss really well. The past few months have been difficult and quite disappointing and I have lost people and relationships that did mean a lot to me. I probably wasn't dealing with heart-break in a very positive and constructive manner and I definitely was, and still am to some extent, pushing people away who needed help because I just couldn't handle any of their problems because I could hardly sort my own life out as of that point.
After the talke/ lesson, I jotted down a few things in my journal and forgot about them (cause a lot happened today :P) till I re-read it just and they are:
"I accept the fact that things out of my hands are out of my control. I accept that trials do come. I accept that suffering when it cannot be avoided is on its way to help me to glory. I accept that mistakes happen, but it was a mistake that set the world into motion. I accept that I may not always get what I want, but always what I need in the end.
I understand now that all things are connected and all rivers flow into the same sea. I will free myself from hatred through forgiveness and love. For it is not my will that will be done, but His."
Most of it aren't words from me, but from my favourite author Paulo Coelho :) who has a blog too! I absolutely adore his books and his teachings and it is him that inspires me to write as well :) I was really inspired by his book The Alchemist and even did a speech in Chinese about it! :P His words have never failed to give me comfort and great insight :) I really want to pick up Aleph! :( but everytime I go to the book store its sold out...
Okay I'm digressing...
All in all I think I have grown a lot from these experiences and with my struggles. Yes I have encountered loss and felt really worthless and unable to continue but I will move forward from here. Getting stuck in the constant cycle of depression and anger is easy, but incredibly un-rewarding. And I really do not want to live such a life of bitterness and resentment and be such a bitter person. Even though its hard, I will press on, I think I will be the better person :) not the bitter one.
I will and want to be a joyful person, who will help others and give the world everything I have, even though it ultimately may never be enough.
Because its never about me and them anyway :)
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