A Lack of Sugar

Had a lack of sugar these few weeks. Every year for the Lenten Season I try to either do something more 'religious' or 'faith-like' this is the first year I've actually tried to give something up. And knowing me and my motto: 

Pictures credit to Tumblr and Pinterest

I would try my best to at least do something hard/worthwhile. It didn't make sense to me not to. 

So I gave up something I really liked: Sweets. Not just deserts and chocolate, but sweet drinks down to even jams and honey on toast (I admit I cheated a little and added honey to my water, but that was because I was sick ok!) 

Sweet foods have always been a form of comfort for me. It's my go-to taste whenever I'm down in the dumps or tired out from a day at school. There's that strange euphoria that accompanies taking sweets. Whether it's teh bing or a bar of chocolate, the comforting coil of joy with a sudden rush of energy is the thing I've relied sweets to bring me. And for a long time it did. 

Denying myself sweets and the temporal moment of bliss when the piece of candy hits my teeth was a pretty, well, agonizing experience. I found myself more tired and probably a lot more irritable. Without something to perk me up, I was constantly a little less enthusiastic. 

There was also the feeling of being painfully aware since I've cut sugar out. Without the sweets to help distract with the bad moods, I discovered clear-headedness and self-awareness that although wasn't what I really liked, if I look back on it now, exactly what I needed. 

I think I'm a person that feels too much and I tend to let my feelings come in the way of a lot of things. But instead of dealing my feelings prior to this, I had a tendency of distracting myself school-work, writing, reading and eating. I spent a lot more time piling on the work and the food, trying to fill myself up and just divert my attention away from the mess that was my emotions  I spent more time figuring out ways to distract myself from my problems when I could have been dealing with them. 

Taking the conscious decision to not eat certain foods because they were sweet also helped me to make a conscious track of my own decisions and to be very aware. Not just of the people and situations and people around me but of myself. 

Very funny and strange how a small thing like cutting out sugar could lead up to so much. 

Lent is going to be over soon and Holy Week has just begun. And I am praying for a better term and a stronger resolution to do well and not to lose sight of my dreams and goals. I also pray for the people around me to be safe, happy and well in what they do and for them to achieve their dreams too. 

Current feel: Strange Zen mode that is very foreign to me but at the same time I feel a deeper stirring of emotion somewhere. Its like a still top on a body of water with churning undercurrents (water metaphors ftw!) 

Hope everyone has a lovely Holy Week ahead! 

Tsui