The Perks of Being A Wallflower

Just watched the above movie with Gwen today :) really glad I got to meet her and talk to her, I need to hang out with her more.

 Feel like an angsty post so heck, I'm just going to go with it.

I honestly did not really like the book (Perks) that much, to me it was quite simplistic and I didn't really understand the hype (read the first chapter and found it hard to believe the narrator was in AP English, but that's just me). Added to the fact that the book and the quotes are incredibly over-used by people who try very hard to be 'cool' just irked me even more (the ones where Charlie talks about being 'infinite', which is actually quite profound, sad to say that the beauty of the line is dissolved because of the people who overuse and spring that quote EVERYWHERE). One, because they claim it is a fantastic piece of literature and two, the book serves no purpose than to be a stepping stone for their attainment of 'hipster-dom' and 'indie-ness'.

I think the movie, however, was incredibly well done. Logan Lerman was amazing and so was Ezra Miller. Emma Watson was okay, personally I felt that her character was quite the stock-type so there wasn't much challenge for her to pull of. The cinematography was brilliant and so was the editing. The tasteful music was also a plus point.

I cried at the end of the movie and during certain scenes (and I was probably the only person to cry in the whole cinema), not because I was moved to tears by a certain development in the plot, but because of how I related to everything that was happening throughout the whole movie. Probably because I've always felt like I never truly fit in anywhere and my long-standing obsession with writing and literature of any kind and form. I relate to Charlie, I guess, because I tend to go through those weird periods of time feeling incredibly lonely and awkward in most social interactions and events it's just quite sad. And I guess it's really easy for me to relate to someone who just sits and watches everything and just bottles it in, probably because I spend a lot of time doing that.

Thought about the film and my churning emotions and thoughts all the way home. Cried on the bus ride back and had awkward stares in my direction the entire time. Been thinking a lot lately, not really ready for anything coming my way. Still deciding what I want to do for next year and whether I really want to stay or I really want to go. I sound so much like an emotional mess, but funny because that's what best describes my current emotional and mental state.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone else out there feels the same way I do. Or if they feel like how Charlie or I feel sometimes when things happen.

Guess I'll never know.

Tsui

Paths

Where do I go from here?

"Should I choose the smoothest course? Steady as the beating drum? Is all my dreaming at an end? Or do you stil wait for me dreamgiver, just around the river bend? 

At a cross-road of my life again, like I always seem to be. The problem is I hate having options and choices to make more decisions. I'm incredibly indecisive and I jump back and forth between decisions weighing the pros and cons till the time for deciding ultimately passes me by. Is it safe to say that I maybe making the most rash and impulsive decision of my life that may have many implications in the future? I don't know

All I know is, I don't know where my path may lead me and take me. And I honestly couldn't be more excited to see what's in store for me. I just don't know if I'll be doing my journey alone from now on. 

Got back my results this week, never cried so much over grades in such a long time. Told my parents and all they told me was they weren't upset with the grades I got, but more that they couldn't do anything to help. And despite what I was awarded, I am their daughter and nothing will ever change that. Then my dad asked me if I wanted to leave SOTA and go to a prep school in California. To him it seems like a good idea; my relatives are there, weather in there is milder than anywhere else, the school is endorsed by a good and trusted friend of his who's kids got into NYU (New York University) and UCL (University College London), which are incidentally both schools my mom wants me or my brother to get into. Seems like a very good plan, other than the fact that its thousands of kilometers away, in the United States of America, from Sunny Singapore and from my family and my friends that I love really dearly. 

I don't want to leave really, but if I stand a better chance going over and getting into a good university I would take it. 

I know I sound silly, a sixteen year old tearing her hair out over admissions criteria and doing a good job by getting into a prestigious University like her parents did before her. We all have dreams right? And for now this is mine. Getting into a good University to do Literature or Creative writing is of paramount importance to me. Getting there seems to be the challenge.

Should I stick to the safer option? Stay in Singapore and finish the IB that I've devoted 4 years of my life to? Or should I pick the more 'dangerous' one? Go to a prep-school in California and live apart from my family and friends for years, even if it means I'll get a better education. 

I don't know.

I hate making decisions. 

P.S. Hi Ching Yi if you're reading this :) 

Vanilla Sky

Blogging from the dining room and sipping some hot green tea because dad finally fixed up the wi-fi down here and I don't have to be such a recluse in my room anymore :)

Exam week pixels:

Comfort food my dad, le brother and I indulged in and my ootd :)

Thinking of using Macrame and knot making for IB next year

Dinner and ootd

Studied with Ching Yi and Clancy :D

Lunch I had with my momma :)

Saybons for lunch and the angry cat I always encounter on my way to tuition

Harry Potter Exhibition and shopping with Selma after the Math paper

I love this sweater from topshop :D

Studying with the girls~ super productive as always :)

Shopping with Ching Yi after studying, really liked the top I was wearing but its way to big for me... :(

the moon during the mid-autumn festival and nat after the bio paper haha

Laksa and studying Chem with Gwen :)

 Christmas looking pants mom bought from China and seashells she picked from the beach, the conch was bought by one of her students and then given to me as a present o_o plus my new pencil and eraser that have made writing and note making so much better over the exam period.

Things are winding down now that exams are over. Spent the past week being a vegetable and waking up at 2 pm as well as heading out to class parties and spending time with lots of people I really missed hanging out with. I got back into reading again which is good, slowly getting back into doing art and figuring out what I want to do with my IB art years, which is also good. Started reading IB textbooks and doing math again which is good if you think jumping ahead is what's going to 'give me the edge' next year like my parents do then ok. Started to get back into writing, not really sure how I feel about that, other than the fact that I want to change sketchbook/journal and go back to my thick papered moleskines. Brown paper is really lovely though... Decisions decisions decisions. 

Might take a nap because I woke up super early today to do some math but its going to be dinner time soon and I wonder where my family wants to go tonight. I hope its somewhere near an art shop or a bookstore :)

I'll probably update more frequently now :) school's pretty much over and the holidays are up! 

xx Tsui 

B2 2012

dedicating a post to you guys because well <3

My day of exams:

Shopping with the girls at H&M and this really beautiful statue that I just had to snap 

              

Deskbud #2 Mila :)

Zhiyi and I trying on heels at F21 

Selma :)

             

Kai and Enzo

Shots from the class party that consisted for pizza, chicken wings, dance central, yoga, spinning around till we all got dizzy, taboo, planking and just chilling under lights and listening to the xx

Waving goodbye~

Our 'modeling' photos ft. Rob Pat

My time with B2 has been nothing short of amazing. The only reason why Year 4 didn't suck so much for me this year despite everything was because of this class. Absolutely fun, noisy and rowdy but also the most warm-hearted, willing to share and most helpful class I've ever been in. Best class ever, that I can admit. <3 you guys! 

xx Tsui