Desert Song

First week of Semester 2 is over! Honestly I'm feeling very apprehensive about Term 3 and 4 :( with my pretty decent bordering on bad Semester 1, I guess I'm more determined to make the rest of the year good :) 

I'm very grateful for the one month break and GPS trip. It was a very lovely opportunity to reconnect with myself and provided me with a lot of healing that reaffirmed my identity, faith, hope and love. Normally I would be very drained after a week of school and extremely unmotivated to do work. But surprisingly I was really energetic and awake throughout the week, plus I  got a lot of work done and finished my holiday homework! -late but at least I got it done~- So for that I say praise the Lord! For He is my victory and He is here! 

-Desert Song by Hillsong is my current jam-

After a pretty bad spiritual dry-spell I'm very grateful I've had the opportunity to be reaffirmed in the faith :) this song spoke to me because in many ways I could relate to the prayer in it, and I wish to share this song and its prayer with all of you :) 

I am also very grateful to whoever I've been walking with last month and this week :) I pray for us to continue to journey with one another and for us to never loose faith in Him. I am grateful for the countless blessings he has gifted me, and for each and every one of you that he has gifted me, I say thank you and I love you :) 

Now tiny me has to go hunt for food and prep for Chinese tuition! 

Have a great weekend :) 

XxTsui

Con Camp 2013

I'm not sure what, where, how, why exactly am I writing this post, but I'm just getting a stirring from the Spirit in my heart that's quite impossible to ignore. So here goes:

Confirmation camp has been enlightening, a very amazing experience that has taught me so much in  a mere four days. I'm grateful for my entire experience there and everything that I've learnt or rather re-learnt, about God, about faith journeys and more importantly about myself, so that I can better serve in future camps and in my continuos walk with God.

My kids were an amazing bunch, with strong foundations and a seeking and conviction for God that is truly admirable. There were some rough patches, but I believe and feel that the Holy Spirit has worked its power over and in them. And they've definitely come a long way in the past four days and grew a lot more in faith. I'm really thankful that we've had the opportunity to journey together :) Strangely despite being one of the Facils, I found myself learning a lot more from their struggles than maybe me teaching them or preparing them for the journey and walk with God. I wish them all the best in their walks with God and that they too will find this life a fulfilling and satisfying one.

I also found myself in this Camp, through the act of serving, through the four-to-five hours worth of sleep, through the call to be vulnerable around kids that barely knew me, through the invitation to work with people I may not be comfortable with, through the awareness that there are areas in my life I need to let go in and let God take over, through all the acts of dying slowly to myself and just rising up despite the tiredness, weariness, sometimes loneliness and maybe even pain and disillusion, I found God again. And it was the renewal that my identity is a Child of God and my vocation is not only that of a student but to love as well.

And from that Love, we are ultimately called to forgive. I think this Sunday's gospel reading from Luke 7:36-50 struck me because of areas in my life that I need to reconcile with. Especially verse 47 which reads:

"For this reason I tell you that her sins, many as they are, have been forgiven, because she has shown such great love. It is someone who is forgiven little who shows little love."

That really hit it home for me and was probably the sign that I needed because I have been ignoring God's soft promptings... I think the call for me right now is to reaffirm myself to the YES I made to God about 2 years ago when I went for Confi Camp and although I have fallen and I do have my struggles that should never discourage me from continuing to seek God and from my faith journey.

Another important thing I've learnt in this Camp experience is that I am not alone. I have never been alone. When I thought I was walking alone, disillusioned and confused, unable to feel God's presence in my life, he was there. I just didn't want to listen. God has worked in strange and very surprising ways in my life, gifting me with reminders, many of them in fact, that he has always been there for me in my struggles. And he has gifted me with people who have reminded me that I am not alone in my walk of Faith and that I do have people to rely on and it is not a bad thing to draw strength from the people around me sometimes as well.

To anyone that has been supporting me during the Camp experience, be it a message to check-up on me, to a conversation with me in getting to know me better or just to check-up on me to even just keeping me in your prayers. Thank you. I'm very grateful for each and everyone one of you and all that you've done for me.

I pray that I can stay committed to my promises, I pray that I will always cherish those around me, I pray that I can fulfill my vocation as a student, I pray that I can continue down this path with God, I pray that I can one day forgive those who have wounded or hurt me, I pray that I can realize and accept that I may not be enough for this world but I will be for God, I pray that I can also continue to love, for my love is the only thing I have that is truly mine and that it will continue to be courageous and pure and survive the snares of the World.

But in all ultimates, there are places I have planned on going, but those plans don't matter if God is not in them. For I will let Thy will be done.

xxTsui

Better Days

I know I may not be the prettiest.

Or the smartest.

Or the strongest.

Or the tallest.

Most emotionally stable at any given time.

Or mentally for that matter.

Most forgiving.

Least annoying.

Or depressive.

Or least Cynical.

But to those of you who stuck around and stuck by me this year despite everything. Thank you, and I love you. And please know that I would do anything for you.

And when I say that I do mean it. 

Have many resolutions but right now I wish for better days. Much better days, not just for me but for everyone else as well. 

Love,

Tsuixx

Paths

Where do I go from here?

"Should I choose the smoothest course? Steady as the beating drum? Is all my dreaming at an end? Or do you stil wait for me dreamgiver, just around the river bend? 

At a cross-road of my life again, like I always seem to be. The problem is I hate having options and choices to make more decisions. I'm incredibly indecisive and I jump back and forth between decisions weighing the pros and cons till the time for deciding ultimately passes me by. Is it safe to say that I maybe making the most rash and impulsive decision of my life that may have many implications in the future? I don't know

All I know is, I don't know where my path may lead me and take me. And I honestly couldn't be more excited to see what's in store for me. I just don't know if I'll be doing my journey alone from now on. 

Got back my results this week, never cried so much over grades in such a long time. Told my parents and all they told me was they weren't upset with the grades I got, but more that they couldn't do anything to help. And despite what I was awarded, I am their daughter and nothing will ever change that. Then my dad asked me if I wanted to leave SOTA and go to a prep school in California. To him it seems like a good idea; my relatives are there, weather in there is milder than anywhere else, the school is endorsed by a good and trusted friend of his who's kids got into NYU (New York University) and UCL (University College London), which are incidentally both schools my mom wants me or my brother to get into. Seems like a very good plan, other than the fact that its thousands of kilometers away, in the United States of America, from Sunny Singapore and from my family and my friends that I love really dearly. 

I don't want to leave really, but if I stand a better chance going over and getting into a good university I would take it. 

I know I sound silly, a sixteen year old tearing her hair out over admissions criteria and doing a good job by getting into a prestigious University like her parents did before her. We all have dreams right? And for now this is mine. Getting into a good University to do Literature or Creative writing is of paramount importance to me. Getting there seems to be the challenge.

Should I stick to the safer option? Stay in Singapore and finish the IB that I've devoted 4 years of my life to? Or should I pick the more 'dangerous' one? Go to a prep-school in California and live apart from my family and friends for years, even if it means I'll get a better education. 

I don't know.

I hate making decisions. 

P.S. Hi Ching Yi if you're reading this :) 

Some Nights

Here's a visual vomit of my past week in pixels~ 

Helping my bestie Lailai pick his morning sandwich and a morning selfie :) 

Maki-San after school~ 

Deskbud #1 stole my phone to camwhore again

Brought Flowers to Jo to celebrate 

Selfie with Nat Lam and my small buddy Chingching! 

Cute plaster Becca gave me that I gave to Anjali 

My weekend lunches and dinners with Mama Tsui and Gramma!

Shameless Selfies at Karen Millen, using the suede leather bag I got from Char to death~

Ben and Jerry's before math 

Sunday's dinner cooked by Mama

Last Week of Academic classes:

Hacked Kai's phone and laptop to change his wallpapers 

Nick and I chilling in the Media Arts lab 

Wednesday's breakfast! 

The two lovely people that I'm really glad to have gotten closer to this year and make painting class so wonderful and absolutely hilarious :)

Starbucks for breakfast! 

B2's Ang Moh khaki

Last B2 lunch of the year :(

Snapped a photo of Ms Adeline :) 

The best math teacher to ever step foot into SOTA

Aid Sayuti Teaches Chemistry 

Typical day in B2...

B2 2012!

My lovely deskbuddies <3

This week has been fast paced and really tiring, finally submitted everything non-academic related and exams start in less than a week. I'm really thankful for everyone in my class this year, B2 2012 was amazing and everyone in the class is really unforgettable. Lessons with you guys are always memorable and I wouldn't want to switch classes ever. B2 will always be my favourite class out of all the classes I've had so far<3 

 I really don't feel the heat of final year exams and its really starting to worry me :( I am studying but I always fear that it isn't enough or not substantial to push me forward to next year... I'm especially worried about my Chemistry and Chinese, both subjects that I really like but honestly can't seem to be doing well in despite my efforts... Worried about Literature, Math and History too... But its not too late to start now! Going to be mugging a lot from now on in hopes I can at least do well for most of my subjects and get into the combination that I want. It's only 2 weeks of hard work and then I can go spend some time relaxing plus catching up with the lovely people in my life :) 

Won't be updating much, might do a blog post at the end of each week like this one, a post on visuals and just some thoughts or rambles :)

(Sorry for the explosion of pictures! :P)

xx Tsui