Con Camp 2013

I'm not sure what, where, how, why exactly am I writing this post, but I'm just getting a stirring from the Spirit in my heart that's quite impossible to ignore. So here goes:

Confirmation camp has been enlightening, a very amazing experience that has taught me so much in  a mere four days. I'm grateful for my entire experience there and everything that I've learnt or rather re-learnt, about God, about faith journeys and more importantly about myself, so that I can better serve in future camps and in my continuos walk with God.

My kids were an amazing bunch, with strong foundations and a seeking and conviction for God that is truly admirable. There were some rough patches, but I believe and feel that the Holy Spirit has worked its power over and in them. And they've definitely come a long way in the past four days and grew a lot more in faith. I'm really thankful that we've had the opportunity to journey together :) Strangely despite being one of the Facils, I found myself learning a lot more from their struggles than maybe me teaching them or preparing them for the journey and walk with God. I wish them all the best in their walks with God and that they too will find this life a fulfilling and satisfying one.

I also found myself in this Camp, through the act of serving, through the four-to-five hours worth of sleep, through the call to be vulnerable around kids that barely knew me, through the invitation to work with people I may not be comfortable with, through the awareness that there are areas in my life I need to let go in and let God take over, through all the acts of dying slowly to myself and just rising up despite the tiredness, weariness, sometimes loneliness and maybe even pain and disillusion, I found God again. And it was the renewal that my identity is a Child of God and my vocation is not only that of a student but to love as well.

And from that Love, we are ultimately called to forgive. I think this Sunday's gospel reading from Luke 7:36-50 struck me because of areas in my life that I need to reconcile with. Especially verse 47 which reads:

"For this reason I tell you that her sins, many as they are, have been forgiven, because she has shown such great love. It is someone who is forgiven little who shows little love."

That really hit it home for me and was probably the sign that I needed because I have been ignoring God's soft promptings... I think the call for me right now is to reaffirm myself to the YES I made to God about 2 years ago when I went for Confi Camp and although I have fallen and I do have my struggles that should never discourage me from continuing to seek God and from my faith journey.

Another important thing I've learnt in this Camp experience is that I am not alone. I have never been alone. When I thought I was walking alone, disillusioned and confused, unable to feel God's presence in my life, he was there. I just didn't want to listen. God has worked in strange and very surprising ways in my life, gifting me with reminders, many of them in fact, that he has always been there for me in my struggles. And he has gifted me with people who have reminded me that I am not alone in my walk of Faith and that I do have people to rely on and it is not a bad thing to draw strength from the people around me sometimes as well.

To anyone that has been supporting me during the Camp experience, be it a message to check-up on me, to a conversation with me in getting to know me better or just to check-up on me to even just keeping me in your prayers. Thank you. I'm very grateful for each and everyone one of you and all that you've done for me.

I pray that I can stay committed to my promises, I pray that I will always cherish those around me, I pray that I can fulfill my vocation as a student, I pray that I can continue down this path with God, I pray that I can one day forgive those who have wounded or hurt me, I pray that I can realize and accept that I may not be enough for this world but I will be for God, I pray that I can also continue to love, for my love is the only thing I have that is truly mine and that it will continue to be courageous and pure and survive the snares of the World.

But in all ultimates, there are places I have planned on going, but those plans don't matter if God is not in them. For I will let Thy will be done.

xxTsui

OLSS+National Day Celebration+Family

Today was upsetting for the first part of the day. I've honestly never felt so worthless and not worth much and the session at I did at Catholic Archdiocesan Youth Centre (CAYC) for the youths from Our Lady Star of the Sea (OLSS) was really really bad and extremely disappointing. Everyone was really good today and I was really happy for everyone but I felt really dissapointed that I couldn't give a good Session, even if it was my first time ever. I held in all the sadness and frustration right till the point Aloy asked me to cheer up and all I could do was just burst into tears. I didn't feel like I was wanted/ needed/ appreciated by my community, In One Spirit, at all. And it was probably worse that the only people that noticed were my Formators Aloy and Gwen. I just felt quite out of place and I've been feeling that for a very long time. And its not helping at all that it seems that I'm being replaced by people in community who once were really important to me. Its like I hardly know anyone at all... 

So all I did was to probably walk home afterwards and cry under my blankets because I was so upset. I didn't eat lunch or breakfast. I just wanted sleep. I just wanted to lie down and forget about the world for a while. Sofia texted me afterwards and I couldn't help but just cry. And seeing all the tweets on how everyone was so proud to be in IOS just made me feel worse. So I did what I always did, take a nap because when you're asleep, you can forget about life for a while. 

But when you wake up, everything just rushes back... 

Then it was dinner which is and always will be the highlight of my life :) I had dinner with my extended family from both my mom's and my dad's :) I'm so glad I got to see them before we all slog away with our end of year exams. It was really nice catching up with everyone before we don't see each other for the next few months or so :( 

My mom bought Chili and Black Pepper Crabs, Fried Praws, Vegetables and Scallops, Mantou and Pork ribs! We opened two bottles of wine and just sat around and talked and ate. Along with celebrating my Dad's and my Uncle's and not forgetting Singapore's birthday ;) 

My Aunts' and cousin who haven't seen me in a while kept commenting I looked like I lost a lot of weight. My mom said its due to the stress in school and they looked really worried... 

It was nice being around family. It was really comforting and warm being with people who love you for who you are and acknowledge when you've tried your hardest. It was just really nice being around people who care and love you very much. Its even more heartwarming to know that with them, you'll never be replaced. 

Photo my Uncle snapped of me :)

The people I spent my childhood and growing up with and are my most favourite people in the whole wide world

I've honestly always thought the most important thing in the world is family. And I'm blessed enough to be given not just a wonderful family, but such a close and beautiful relationship with my cousins and extended family. I love them very much and they mean the world to me <3 

Botanics

Hey! :) Here are the pictures that came from my trip to Botanic gardens with Ethan and Ai Ling yesterday! :) I didn't blog yesterday cause I came home from mime practice for the session today really late :( But here's my blog post nonetheless! I'm really glad that we're having a long weekend this week~ there was only 2 days of actual academic lessons and one day of National Day celebrations and holidays! :D 

The three of us went to Botanic Gardens to chill, hang out and just relax with our cameras and sketchbooks :) its really nice to take a break from the hectic city life and just immerse yourself in nature ^_^/ Its so quiet in Botanic Gardens its really cool! Its almost like you're not in Singapore anymore! 

<3

I brought out my Black Bird Fly film camera that I bought like 2 years ago and havent used in so long. Mainly because I forgot how to rewind the film, and only remembered like a year and a half later while fiddling with it. I wasted a whole roll of film because I didn't load the film in properly and it jammed up :( Its not going to waste tho! Because Ethan is going to use it in his upcoming Media arts works! :D

White Zara Basic Tank top
H&M Teal short-sleeved cardigan
Topshop High-wasted jean shorts, MOTO
Necklace was gifted to me from a friend in Church :)

My outfit for the day was pretty simple :) I suspected it was going to be really warm so I chose something more summer appropriate? Haha, I really like the teal short-sleeved cardigan :) it coves you up, but is still light and floaty! 

Afterwards we walked through the Garden and to Burger Shack! :D which has the best burgers ever <3  and it was Ai Ling's first time eating from there! :)

<3 

After Burger Shack, we headed over to its sister branch, Island Creamery! I didn't get any ice-cream cause I was so full, but I still pinched some off Ethan and Ai ling~ Hahaha 

All photos credited to my very good friend and pro-photographer Ethan :)

I really had a lot of fun with them yesterday! :) And I ate so much food yesterday, I went out supper with Theo after mime practice! I think I probably gained like 10kg... HAHA I'm eating another big dinner tonight with my cousins and the family! :D 

Expect more pictures soon~

Home

Spent the day at home today, came down with a viral cold again. This has probably been the third time I've gotten sick this semester :( so I spent the day lazing about, trying to clean my extremely messy room, albiet failing miserably :/ I sort of made the mess worse...

I ended up busting out my much abused Nikon to snap some photos, since the lighting was really nice after the rain and I just, well, could :)

White Topshop Sundress 

White Topshop Sundress and a Black Asymmetrical Formal dress  from F21

My ever growing cupboard wall art 

Nikon Lens Cap
10 dollar shades from the Scarlet Room
Gifted Mother of Pearl bag from Claud <3

View from my room 

Window

Winnie the Pooh Vintage Tea Set my mom got me when I was 5 

I wish I could update on this space more, but I honestly can't find the time/ I think my life is pretty boring and I don't have much to share right now...

But I am going for Fireworks Action, which is a school event where we get to sit around and have a picnic on my school's rooftop and watch the National Day Prep Fireworks :) It's my first time going even though I've been in SOTA for about 4 years :/ So i'm kinda excited to go :) also since my friends are performing :) hopefully I get to snap some wonderful pictures to share :)

And I'm going out with Joanna again for dinner on Sunday :) I'm going to miss her when she goes back to Canada :( and Emma too :(

I guess I'm also quite nervous right now about giving a session to the youths at Our Lady Star of the Sea (OLSS). I'm giving one with my other community member Nigel, but he's currently busy with prelims so I'm doing the slides. I guess I'm scared that I won't be able to give a good session on Community to them and that I'm also scared that my other community members will judge me for what I'm going to say OR the fact that I seem to be doing everything on my own again. And I know that I'm not supposed to think/ feel this way but I'm currently finding it hard to well, talk to them/ connect with them. This has probably got to do with the fact that i'm in the IB programe and they're in the mainstream O'level school system and I can't seem to relate with anything they're going through now...

And I'm currently finding them hard to please lol

I'm also scared that Mel (my formator) will kill me while QC-ing my slides :( partially because I don't know what else to add in and also because I don't seem to be able to think of anything else to add/talk about/ I don't want to call the shots because I'm really really scared... sighh what to do~ 

Although I had a talk with my brother Andrew and got other people's view points on this. I still feel quite lost...

But I'm infinitely grateful for and to Andrew for sharing with me something very meaningful :)

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Teresa

<3 :')

Hope you all have a great weekend <3

Elaine