I'm not sure what, where, how, why exactly am I writing this post, but I'm just getting a stirring from the Spirit in my heart that's quite impossible to ignore. So here goes:
Confirmation camp has been enlightening, a very amazing experience that has taught me so much in a mere four days. I'm grateful for my entire experience there and everything that I've learnt or rather re-learnt, about God, about faith journeys and more importantly about myself, so that I can better serve in future camps and in my continuos walk with God.
My kids were an amazing bunch, with strong foundations and a seeking and conviction for God that is truly admirable. There were some rough patches, but I believe and feel that the Holy Spirit has worked its power over and in them. And they've definitely come a long way in the past four days and grew a lot more in faith. I'm really thankful that we've had the opportunity to journey together :) Strangely despite being one of the Facils, I found myself learning a lot more from their struggles than maybe me teaching them or preparing them for the journey and walk with God. I wish them all the best in their walks with God and that they too will find this life a fulfilling and satisfying one.
I also found myself in this Camp, through the act of serving, through the four-to-five hours worth of sleep, through the call to be vulnerable around kids that barely knew me, through the invitation to work with people I may not be comfortable with, through the awareness that there are areas in my life I need to let go in and let God take over, through all the acts of dying slowly to myself and just rising up despite the tiredness, weariness, sometimes loneliness and maybe even pain and disillusion, I found God again. And it was the renewal that my identity is a Child of God and my vocation is not only that of a student but to love as well.
And from that Love, we are ultimately called to forgive. I think this Sunday's gospel reading from Luke 7:36-50 struck me because of areas in my life that I need to reconcile with. Especially verse 47 which reads:
"For this reason I tell you that her sins, many as they are, have been forgiven, because she has shown such great love. It is someone who is forgiven little who shows little love."
That really hit it home for me and was probably the sign that I needed because I have been ignoring God's soft promptings... I think the call for me right now is to reaffirm myself to the
YES I made to God about 2 years ago when I went for Confi Camp and although I have fallen and I do have my struggles that should never discourage me from continuing to seek God and from my faith journey.
Another important thing I've learnt in this Camp experience is that I am not alone. I have never been alone. When I thought I was walking alone, disillusioned and confused, unable to feel God's presence in my life, he was there. I just didn't want to listen. God has worked in strange and very surprising ways in my life, gifting me with reminders, many of them in fact, that he has always been there for me in my struggles. And he has gifted me with people who have reminded me that I am not alone in my walk of Faith and that I do have people to rely on and it is not a bad thing to draw strength from the people around me sometimes as well.
To anyone that has been supporting me during the Camp experience, be it a message to check-up on me, to a conversation with me in getting to know me better or just to check-up on me to even just keeping me in your prayers. Thank you. I'm very grateful for each and everyone one of you and all that you've done for me.
I pray that I can stay committed to my promises, I pray that I will always cherish those around me, I pray that I can fulfill my vocation as a student, I pray that I can continue down this path with God, I pray that I can one day forgive those who have wounded or hurt me, I pray that I can realize and accept that I may not be enough for this world but I will be for God, I pray that I can also continue to love, for my love is the only thing I have that is truly mine and that it will continue to be courageous and pure and survive the snares of the World.
But in all ultimates, there are places I have planned on going, but those plans don't matter if God is not in them. For I will let Thy will be done.
xxTsui
