Desperation

Haven't blogged in quite a while :(

The year is coming to a close and I'm not sure how I feel about that honestly. 2013 is coming in less than 2 months and I don't think I'm ready for it...

I debated against putting up a very angsty rant-y post, because didn't seem very fair to the people around me who were there. And I was focusing on the negativity instead of looking at the good I had in life. Sorry to anyone who's had to hear my rants on my qualms against humanity, I know I can get pretty negative.

I really want to blog about my OSL to Cebu and my recent trip to Hong Kong but the words I have in my head just get stuck in a jumbled-tumbled mess and knowing my own INFP perfectionist nature I tend to read and reread all of my posts before I ever post anything to make sure I'm coherent or if anything really makes sense. If not I just scrap the whole post all-together and this almost always applies to my writing and or art making.

(Which I am very sad to say I have lost much inspiration for the latter)

More often than not I find myself struggling to keep up and prove that I can do something for once. Or at least be able to move on to places that can appreciate and or see that I may have some talent in what I do. It always sucks to be the one in the family that everyone just gives the patronizing stare or glassy-eyed look when you tell them you want to spend your life writing. To them it's probably just preposterous, writers just pale in comparison to doctors, lawyers, bankers and businessmen. You can't be successful in life whilst being a writer, unless you're J.K Rowling, then you're amazing.

I guess to me it's not about being successful in life. It's about doing something with my life that I will be satisfied with. What's the point in me being something and doing something I really do not care for and love. I'd rather devote my life to doing something that I love, despite the set backs financially, than not at all.

Maybe that's just me being incredibly Idealistic.