Went to a Basilica today. Feel the need to write this down on my phone before I upload it on my computer.
It was a very wonderful and spiritual experience. Walking through church grounds that have stood through two hundred years is just spectacular and awe inspiring.
I would admit to having lapsed this year. My faith has taken a major road block since June and I don't think I ever recovered. Despite doing my best to go to mass and maintaining a daily prayer life I think I fell very short. My interaction with my community members also dwindled, because of my unenthusiastic attitude to meeting them and my desire not to associate with some people there. I also struggle very much to remain cordial but I find such actions tiring so after a while I stop the game. I would rather avoid someone else entirely than pretend to maintain the illusion of togetherness.
I found myself quite lost these past few months. If i've ever had a running trend of topic these past few months its probably how despondent and dissociated I have felt. How nothing right now feels right or stable and how I absolutely don't like that.
When I knelt down to pray and to the moment I said the last syllable for the Gloria I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and that a great burden has been removed. A weight had been lifted so to speak. I for the life of me have not been moved to tears since I last watched Lord of the Rings. Which ie was about a good month ago? and in church about eight months ago? during the Stations of the Cross.
The crying helped to alleviate some of the hurt and the wounds that I've felt this year. The prayer helped to lull my mind into the sense that everything will be alright in the end.
I found myself uttering words I wouldn't normally, how I would let God in his infinite wisdom, take the wheel and decide for me where I would go. Be it Stevensons or Webb or ever remaining in Singapore. The choice is his and he will decide if I am fit.
Being out here in the semi-wilderness ( I say semi because there still wifi and that's any indication of civilisation) has made me feel infinitely smaller than my 1.5 meters. And definitely more humbled and more thankful for everything. I mean, great things happen when you let the one up there do his work. And I'm writing to y'all to share my experience right? :)
XxTsuiii
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