Seventeen Seventeen

Hello everyone~

Its been like forever since I blogged.

My last entry was like ages ago... Haven't had much time to post anything on this space. I've got many entries in my drafts that have been collecting dust for quite a while now... The IB has been taking up too much of my time and effort. Hardly have anytime to read or do anything that I like anymore...

But anyway, I'm officially 17 now :) It's been a week since my birthday and I don't feel any different like intellectually, emotionally or spirituality... Been waiting for a change and so far it hasn't happened yet. It's only been a week of seventeen-dom though haha. I probably need to learn to be patient, because good things will happen soon.

Celebrated my Birthday on the 17th (am I the only person that finds this funny?), just a small gathering of good school friends, some I've known for my whole schooling life in SOTA, others I've gotten the privilege of being good friends with only recently :) nonetheless, they're all still lovely, wonderful people and the most glorious company to be around :)

The Lovely Nat Lam <3 

One of the few people I know that can look gorgeous without even trying OTL

the lovely deskbuds from B2 2012! <3 Ching Yi and Amelia! 

The food -drools-

John Lennon and Andrew Lloyd Webber

The Alcoholics Association Picture, AA

The friends surprised me with Cake <3 :')

the most glamourous photo ever please

I really really like this picture hahaha

The lovely girls <3

Diego!

The Bestie for 3 years ft Nat's face 

The Arnis has been doing you good my friend ;) HAHA

Thank you guys so much for taking time out of your Sundays to celebrate the day of my birth, although it wasn't the actual day of my birth (hahaha). You guys are such lovely and wonderful company and I'm really thankful for having each and every one of you guys in my life <3 and to Gwen and Nick who couldn't make it, there'll be other lunches and celebrations that we can have together :) so don't feel like you guys missed out on anything :) <3

On another note Gwen made me a video for my birthday :) <3 love you Gwen <3 and yes my voice is truly that high... 

Will post more updates soon :) 

xxTsui

Better Days

I know I may not be the prettiest.

Or the smartest.

Or the strongest.

Or the tallest.

Most emotionally stable at any given time.

Or mentally for that matter.

Most forgiving.

Least annoying.

Or depressive.

Or least Cynical.

But to those of you who stuck around and stuck by me this year despite everything. Thank you, and I love you. And please know that I would do anything for you.

And when I say that I do mean it. 

Have many resolutions but right now I wish for better days. Much better days, not just for me but for everyone else as well. 

Love,

Tsuixx

16.12.12

Went to a Basilica today. Feel the need to write this down on my phone before I upload it on my computer.

It was a very wonderful and spiritual experience. Walking through church grounds that have stood through two hundred years is just spectacular and awe inspiring.

I would admit to having lapsed this year. My faith has taken a major road block since June and I don't think I ever recovered. Despite doing my best to go to mass and maintaining a daily prayer life I think I fell very short. My interaction with my community members also dwindled, because of my unenthusiastic attitude to meeting them and my desire not to associate with some people there. I also struggle very much to remain cordial but I find such actions tiring so after a while I stop the game. I would rather avoid someone else entirely than pretend to maintain the illusion of togetherness.

I found myself quite lost these past few months. If i've ever had a running trend of topic these past few months its probably how despondent and dissociated I have felt. How nothing right now feels right or stable and how I absolutely don't like that.

When I knelt down to pray and to the moment I said the last syllable for the Gloria I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and that a great burden has been removed. A weight had been lifted so to speak. I for the life of me have not been moved to tears since I last watched Lord of the Rings. Which ie was about a good month ago? and in church about eight months ago? during the Stations of the Cross.

The crying helped to alleviate some of the hurt and the wounds that I've felt this year. The prayer helped to lull my mind into the sense that everything will be alright in the end.

I found myself uttering words I wouldn't normally, how I would let God in his infinite wisdom, take the wheel and decide for me where I would go. Be it Stevensons or Webb or ever remaining in Singapore. The choice is his and he will decide if I am fit.

Being out here in the semi-wilderness ( I say semi because there still wifi and that's any indication of civilisation) has made me feel infinitely smaller than my 1.5 meters. And definitely more humbled and more thankful for everything. I mean, great things happen when you let the one up there do his work. And I'm writing to y'all to share my experience right? :)

XxTsuiii

California 2012, Part 1

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge - 

myth is more potent than history - 

dreams are more powerful than facts - 

hope always triumphs over experience - 

laughter is the cure for grief - 

love is stronger than death”

~Robert Fulghum

Currently in Los Angeles, California for my annual family holiday right now. Weather is fantastic, food is quite decent, people are sightly wonderful and family relatives are so warm and lovely. Haven't really been taking many photos lately and I probably should :/ I'll probably be busting out the camera in Monterey and San Fransisco, so I should have some photos to share here.

Went for the interview with the Webb schools today and I would say it went pretty well. But I am keeping my fingers crossed and prayers up, you never know if you can bet on these things at all.

Have a hefty road trip up to Monterey tomorrow and I probably should get some shut eye soon. I have another pretty long blog post that I'll probably post up when I get wifi in the hotel tomorrow :)

Hope you all are having a good holiday!

xxTsui

Desperation

Haven't blogged in quite a while :(

The year is coming to a close and I'm not sure how I feel about that honestly. 2013 is coming in less than 2 months and I don't think I'm ready for it...

I debated against putting up a very angsty rant-y post, because didn't seem very fair to the people around me who were there. And I was focusing on the negativity instead of looking at the good I had in life. Sorry to anyone who's had to hear my rants on my qualms against humanity, I know I can get pretty negative.

I really want to blog about my OSL to Cebu and my recent trip to Hong Kong but the words I have in my head just get stuck in a jumbled-tumbled mess and knowing my own INFP perfectionist nature I tend to read and reread all of my posts before I ever post anything to make sure I'm coherent or if anything really makes sense. If not I just scrap the whole post all-together and this almost always applies to my writing and or art making.

(Which I am very sad to say I have lost much inspiration for the latter)

More often than not I find myself struggling to keep up and prove that I can do something for once. Or at least be able to move on to places that can appreciate and or see that I may have some talent in what I do. It always sucks to be the one in the family that everyone just gives the patronizing stare or glassy-eyed look when you tell them you want to spend your life writing. To them it's probably just preposterous, writers just pale in comparison to doctors, lawyers, bankers and businessmen. You can't be successful in life whilst being a writer, unless you're J.K Rowling, then you're amazing.

I guess to me it's not about being successful in life. It's about doing something with my life that I will be satisfied with. What's the point in me being something and doing something I really do not care for and love. I'd rather devote my life to doing something that I love, despite the set backs financially, than not at all.

Maybe that's just me being incredibly Idealistic.

Remember Remember November

I meant to blog about my last day of school, but due to some unforeseen turn of events lead me to a 2 day trip to Hong Kong and I forgot about this entry entirely.

This year, to sum it up hasn't been great, but it hasn't been all too horrible either.

For starters I got into an amazing class B2.

They've been nothing short of an inspiration to me for the past year. Fun, energetic, spontaneous, supportive and nothing short of awesome. I owe you guys, you made Year 4 not suck so bad for me :)

I spent the last day of school with Amelia and Ethan, interesting mix, I've never been out with them together at once so it was fun. Had a really late lunch at Itacho Sushi and chilled at Starbucks to talk for an hour before heading to Kino for some books :)

Got home on time, changed and went for All Soul's day Mass at St Teresa's church. Cried like crap for a really long time because I've finally made up my mind to leave Singapore and go apply for the schools in USA. Not guaranteed I'll get in, but its the thought that I'm probably making the biggest decision of my life. Aunt Christine supports me, so do my cousins Nicholas and Stephanie. The parents are behind me for everything and so is Andrew. Still feel really upset though, like there are a lot of things I haven't resolved yet...

Had a short but important chat with Ms Mels after the she handed out the report-books. I haven't seen so much red swathed in there before and it was taking a lot for me to hold myself together. She told me to go for it and if my gut and God said yes I should take the plunge. I should.

"The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you"- Bob Harris, 'Lost In Translation'

November has always been one of my favourite months, its up there with December, October, June and February. Here's a tentative list of things I'm doing this month:

• Nation Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) - probably going to abandon my novel halfway cause I have way to much to deal with but meh its worth a shot.
• Reading everything and anything I can get my hands on.
• Going to make playlists and probably spend my afternoons with them.
• Draw/ get back into art- realised I really let my love for art slide this year because of people and teachers and school. Really shouldn't let that happen anymore. 
• Write- most likely working on poetry and short stories and maybe a full novel. We'll see. I've got such big dreams for someone so small. 
• Eat
• Sleep
• Meet up with old friends and hang out with people I haven't seen in a while.

I certainly hope I get this. I've never wanted anything more than getting into Stevensons or Vivian Webb since SOTA. 

Hope all of you are well.

xxTsui

Outtakes

Outtakes from the Faerie Photoshoot I had with Selma, Weiqi, Ethan and Kai Sing :) 

Thank you so much guys for agreeing to trek into a forest and take photos of me and with me. Selma and Kai Sing who were wonderful models and endured me being a dictator, Weiqi who came despite being unwell to help with the photo-taking and makeup. And last but not least to Ethan, the man behind the cam, who agreed to let me use his high-tech dSLR and his photog skills to snap photos and me telling him where to take things and to endure getting rashes and insect bites. 

I love you guys so much, thank you for everything. You don't know how much this means to me. And although none of us won. I'm really glad we got to spend time chatting and taking photos and I'm really happy you guys got to embrace your inner Fey :)

xxTsui