Better Days

I know I may not be the prettiest.

Or the smartest.

Or the strongest.

Or the tallest.

Most emotionally stable at any given time.

Or mentally for that matter.

Most forgiving.

Least annoying.

Or depressive.

Or least Cynical.

But to those of you who stuck around and stuck by me this year despite everything. Thank you, and I love you. And please know that I would do anything for you.

And when I say that I do mean it. 

Have many resolutions but right now I wish for better days. Much better days, not just for me but for everyone else as well. 

Love,

Tsuixx

16.12.12

Went to a Basilica today. Feel the need to write this down on my phone before I upload it on my computer.

It was a very wonderful and spiritual experience. Walking through church grounds that have stood through two hundred years is just spectacular and awe inspiring.

I would admit to having lapsed this year. My faith has taken a major road block since June and I don't think I ever recovered. Despite doing my best to go to mass and maintaining a daily prayer life I think I fell very short. My interaction with my community members also dwindled, because of my unenthusiastic attitude to meeting them and my desire not to associate with some people there. I also struggle very much to remain cordial but I find such actions tiring so after a while I stop the game. I would rather avoid someone else entirely than pretend to maintain the illusion of togetherness.

I found myself quite lost these past few months. If i've ever had a running trend of topic these past few months its probably how despondent and dissociated I have felt. How nothing right now feels right or stable and how I absolutely don't like that.

When I knelt down to pray and to the moment I said the last syllable for the Gloria I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and that a great burden has been removed. A weight had been lifted so to speak. I for the life of me have not been moved to tears since I last watched Lord of the Rings. Which ie was about a good month ago? and in church about eight months ago? during the Stations of the Cross.

The crying helped to alleviate some of the hurt and the wounds that I've felt this year. The prayer helped to lull my mind into the sense that everything will be alright in the end.

I found myself uttering words I wouldn't normally, how I would let God in his infinite wisdom, take the wheel and decide for me where I would go. Be it Stevensons or Webb or ever remaining in Singapore. The choice is his and he will decide if I am fit.

Being out here in the semi-wilderness ( I say semi because there still wifi and that's any indication of civilisation) has made me feel infinitely smaller than my 1.5 meters. And definitely more humbled and more thankful for everything. I mean, great things happen when you let the one up there do his work. And I'm writing to y'all to share my experience right? :)

XxTsuiii

California 2012, Part 1

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge - 

myth is more potent than history - 

dreams are more powerful than facts - 

hope always triumphs over experience - 

laughter is the cure for grief - 

love is stronger than death”

~Robert Fulghum

Currently in Los Angeles, California for my annual family holiday right now. Weather is fantastic, food is quite decent, people are sightly wonderful and family relatives are so warm and lovely. Haven't really been taking many photos lately and I probably should :/ I'll probably be busting out the camera in Monterey and San Fransisco, so I should have some photos to share here.

Went for the interview with the Webb schools today and I would say it went pretty well. But I am keeping my fingers crossed and prayers up, you never know if you can bet on these things at all.

Have a hefty road trip up to Monterey tomorrow and I probably should get some shut eye soon. I have another pretty long blog post that I'll probably post up when I get wifi in the hotel tomorrow :)

Hope you all are having a good holiday!

xxTsui

Desperation

Haven't blogged in quite a while :(

The year is coming to a close and I'm not sure how I feel about that honestly. 2013 is coming in less than 2 months and I don't think I'm ready for it...

I debated against putting up a very angsty rant-y post, because didn't seem very fair to the people around me who were there. And I was focusing on the negativity instead of looking at the good I had in life. Sorry to anyone who's had to hear my rants on my qualms against humanity, I know I can get pretty negative.

I really want to blog about my OSL to Cebu and my recent trip to Hong Kong but the words I have in my head just get stuck in a jumbled-tumbled mess and knowing my own INFP perfectionist nature I tend to read and reread all of my posts before I ever post anything to make sure I'm coherent or if anything really makes sense. If not I just scrap the whole post all-together and this almost always applies to my writing and or art making.

(Which I am very sad to say I have lost much inspiration for the latter)

More often than not I find myself struggling to keep up and prove that I can do something for once. Or at least be able to move on to places that can appreciate and or see that I may have some talent in what I do. It always sucks to be the one in the family that everyone just gives the patronizing stare or glassy-eyed look when you tell them you want to spend your life writing. To them it's probably just preposterous, writers just pale in comparison to doctors, lawyers, bankers and businessmen. You can't be successful in life whilst being a writer, unless you're J.K Rowling, then you're amazing.

I guess to me it's not about being successful in life. It's about doing something with my life that I will be satisfied with. What's the point in me being something and doing something I really do not care for and love. I'd rather devote my life to doing something that I love, despite the set backs financially, than not at all.

Maybe that's just me being incredibly Idealistic.