Ho Hum Ho Hey

Just sitting at home relaxing with a lit Peach Bellini candle, some hot tea a stack of books, fully charged Mac, an open journal and lovely music.

Been so stressed up lately with school, grades, exams, performing well and meeting expectations my health took a pretty scary turn for the worse for the past few days. I can't remember a time when my throat didn't feel like sandpaper or when my nose wasn't clogged up when I open my eyes in the morning.

Honestly exam week has been the most stressful week I've ever had yet the week where I got the most sleep (?! make sense, don't worry it doesn't to me either) I would get up at 6, even on days when I didn't have a paper, keep my brain awake and active with reading and writing or on actual exam days sitting for the paper, chill out for a while before studying my butt off somewhere. Then I'd head home at about 6-8, eat something and crash at 9-10 till 6, wake up and do it all over again. That's like 9-10 hours of sleep in total, but like I wake up with the worst eyebags and the crappiest aches ever. Ugh.

My papers have been okay so far I guess, worried like crazy for HL History and Literature. Not that much for SL Chinese and I've given up completely on passing for Chemistry lolol. Chemistry was so bad I think it's a given collective we are all going to fail... Have to redeem myself with Math next week then I'm free to like do the things I've wanted to do since like the March Holidays? :)

Can't wait to get reading and finish the stack of books I have on my reading list. I currently have like what, 8 on my reading list, minus the ones I have yet to get started on? Also I can't wait for GPS Cebu ^^v and maybe even New Zealand at the end of the year! :) -crossing my fingers- -it would be my dream come true to go back to New Zealand again- Have a lot of things that I'm looking forward to this year and I can't wait.

Also, I attended the King's College University talk that was meant to pitch us the idea of studying at Kings. I'm honestly quite interested in hopefully studying there, the place majors in English Literature like what what?? The ladies that came down to talk to us were really nice about it and from what they said I'm quite keen on applying. Heh. Gwen was right, King's really sounds like a school for me ^^

Can't wait to be free and catch up with the people I've been missing out on :(

-I also want the June hols to come like now-

Okay enough whining from me, hope everyone has been having a better week than I've been having lols/~

Tsui

Ugh.

Feel the need to update, especially since I haven't posted an entry in so long. I have so many posts in the cold-storage of drafts I just haven't gotten around to posting anything because I'm so busy :(

Mid-years are in 2 days, well one by the time I get this post up. Been a pretty reasonable week, that started off really great and just got progressively worse till Friday, that culminated into me being an tired emotional blob, which just made me that close to having a breakdown. Thankfully I didn't, because I ended the night off well, thank you Lloyd for making me laugh till my sides hurt at Coffee Bean and that little bit better about myself that night. I think the stress of being in the IB is just getting to me. Plus I'm getting all these feeling of inadequacy and insufficiency now just re-emphasizes how brilliant it is being me.

I want to be good enough some how, like enough at least for something and someone. I hate that I'm not enough for meeting the caliber for a certain grade and for certain people to be comfortable with. I hate that I'm reminded that that I'm not enough and what's more is that I hate that this bothers me so much when it honestly shouldn't.

Feeling so bothered by school and work and stress and emotions and being such a bad ball of annoying small-ness I'm pretty surprised the people around me haven't thrown something at me yet :|

As always, infinitely grateful to the people around me who deal with my shit. Thank you to Nat, Lloyd, Gwen, Ching Yi, Ethan, Amelia and Kai Sing for this week and everything that you guys have ever done for me.

Tsui